It is possible to avoid disputes only to those who hates any confrontation or have the patience of the Dalai Lama. The rest argue from time to time, it’s not so bad. It is more useful for psychological health to immediately resolve conflicts, and not avoid them. Psychotherapists and communications experts say what distinguishes those who do it right.
1. They know that the meaning of the dispute is better to understand the point of view of the opponent
“The purpose of the dispute is to understand each other’s needs and try to find a solution that will suit both,” says family psychotherapist Marissa Nelson. – Those who argue effectively,
first of all, seek to solve the contradiction and eliminate the problem, and not defeat the opponent. Personal insults and humiliation of dignity are unacceptable “.
2. Not shy about asking questions
“Those who know how to convince well understand that another person has their own goals and needs,” says Jay Sullivan, a business communication specialist and the author of the book “It is simply said: how to communicate at work and not only”. – Starting a discussion, we are talking about our ideas, but in order to better understand the other side, we need to ask questions, consider the interlocutor not as an enemy, but as a person pursuing his goals. If you understand these goals and are ready to meet, the “dispute” turns into a regular discussion. You are not an enemy, but an ally “.
3. Explain their point of view
“Good debaters tell the truth directly and without abyss, not concealing anything,” says Susan Dyzan Gadua, a family therapist, author of the book “A New look at the marriage for skeptics, realists and rebels”. – I work with a couple in which my wife is treated with dependence. The husband tries to restore relations and return mutual trust, destroyed by her constant lie. He wants to trust her again, but it is not easy to do it, given that she often happens on the road. He does not want to be suspicious, so he usually says something like: “I don’t trust you, but. “It would be more honest to say:” It is very difficult for me that I can’t trust you completely, so I would like to keep contact with you when you are leaving, so that I can make sure that you are not deceiving me “. Until both participants in the dialogue begin to openly say what they think, it will not be possible to resolve the conflict “.